So let’s say it’s an average Friday night. It’s date night, you’re excited because you’re gonna try a new restaurant you’ve heard of that just opened up.  Your buddy at work says you gotta check it out.  So what do you do?

You look it up on Yelp: you “Yelp it” right? That’s what you kids are calling it, right?

“Ooo, yeah, I Yelped that place and Yelp said not to go because the steak is as dry as jerky and the waiters are rude and the service is slow”.

“Yeah? Well, I read on Yelp that they have the best steak in town and the waitresses are super cute”.

What?! Do you people mind at all that these are the opinions of people you don’t know?  People you may not agree with or even like?  And what makes “beanguy34@hotmail” an expert on steak?  He may not even be qualified to judge a nose picking contest.  He may think al dente is the guy in the next cubicle.  He may be a chain smoker who might as well be eating cardboard.  He may be French! He may be… OK that’s enough.  You get it.  He may be an idiot.

There is obviously an empty space in people’s lives for more pig headed unqualified reviews by morons of probably perfectly fine places.  And the worst part is that everything is so conflicting.  Terrible food don’t go- best place ever.  Are you so easily brainwashed by the web that you won’t even go check it out for yourselves?  Why?  No energy?  Eat some protein and get out there.  You can’t trust that garbage.  And you know the worst thing about Yelp?  That rotten people can use it to blackmail businesses and get free stuff out of perfectly fine, honest people that are just trying to make a living in this world.  They can dangle a bad Yelp review over a business like a little carrot.

“Oh, if you don’t refund me for the meal that was probably completely fine I’m gonna bash you on Yelp!”.

And the business is screwed, aren’t they?  Because they know how impressionable you are. That when people are thinking of going to a new place, they Yelp it first and they’re gonna see that bad review right away, whether it’s true or not, and it’ll hurt the business.  And of course people aren’t gonna put a good review on there, generally, because when you go to a restaurant, you expect the food to be fine and it was probably fine. But these are normal, reasonable people who have a life and they don’t have the time to go on some website and say they went there and they were fine with it.

Fill that empty space in your life with Food Fight.  We’re not loser-part-timer-wanna-be bloggers with sodium bloated fast food livers and dead taste buds. We’re real foodies who you can turn to for an opinion about a restaurant that hasn’t been influenced by a bruschetta vendetta or the perkiness of the servers butts.  I don’t wanna eat what some little putz barista thinks tastes good. Stop going on Yelp.  Get off your lazy butt and go taste things for yourself.  Yelp is an outlet for jerks to be even bigger jerks and step all over the little guy.  You wanna help build the economy, you wanna help small business?  Leave Yelp to the millennials, they deserve it.

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